I was listening to Dylan on the way home tonight. Specifically to, "Times They are a- Changing" and thinking about events of recent. School has started back and I am now a full-time employee and a full-time student, with some other stuff thrown in there as well. I'm glad that I'm still in classes at HCC. It makes it seem less like I'm not a student anymore, just a student in transit. Next weekend I keep having to remind myself that I'm going to Baylor to visit for graduate school. Not a reminder because I think I'll forget, a reminder to make sure I go. I'm terrified of going. Freaked out. And excited. It occurs to me that deciding that I want to go to Baylor for graduate school is the first really big decision I've made for myself.
Rice seemed like my parents' choice. History seemed like the choice of least resistance. My other major choices always seem to be driven by some external factor- get a job, get a boyfriend, join a church, pay off loans, etc. Not that I regret those at all (maybe the job one). Most of these decisions- boyfriend, church, and cat have turned out wonderfully and I'd probably be less happy had I not gone in that direction, but the fact remains that the weren't completely internal, there was always some external push to them. Internalized later, of course.
But graduate school is different. If anything, its going against a lot of external pressures (job market, parents) and originating completely from myself, or at least not originating because another person wants me to. This is quite terrifying to me. To consider that I could make my own life choices. I was talking to Steve last week about Baylor last week and explaining that my parents weren't really enthusiastic about it, that I had never really been the rebellious teen that tried to leave home, fly away from the nest. His reply was that he didn't think I needed to be rebellious, but just that I needed to be me. What a novel concept.
I guess this is all a really long way of saying that we're getting fish at work.
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2 comments:
So do you have two kitties now?
Oh, exciting! Have a super good time!
Sadly, I'll be in San Antonio that weekend (I'm going to a Wildlife Orphanage to watch a panther declaw... awesome.)
Do you know where you're going (besides Baylor in general) and what you'll be seeing? I highly reccomend that if you have any spare time you take a peek at the Armstrong Browning Library. It's AMAZING. The Bear Pit's kind of neat.... uhm... otherwise campus is kind of lame. As far as the Waco area, there are some neat things downtown, but do them in daylight (unless one of them is go to Cricket's) because downtown's sort of sketchy at night (as is most of North Waco.)
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